Sinning in LA

There are some things in your life that you can’t quite explain. You’re not sure, for instance, how you ended up in Las Vegas during the middle of the week. And you certainly can’t remember how you ended up staying three extra days. You can’t recount all of the half-truths and deceptions that talked you backstage at your last concert, or the many creative variations that have existed of your resume in order to meet women. But recently, I was standing in my kitchen, holding an exact replica of my penis that had been turned in to a vibrator. And I realized I had crossed some sort of line, and there’s no going back.

Thanks to the brilliant minds of Empire Labs and their Clone-A-Willy kit, you too can present your lover with a mechanical version of yourself. “Dr. David Claus, PhD., one of the two owners of Empire Labs, holds the patent on the fast curing silicone product,” said Becky Burke, who also works for the company.  “He was working in Hollywood in the movie business making prosthetic props and he also worked with podiatrists making foot molds for custom shoes.  The adult film industry approached David with the idea of cloning a male porn star's penis and that's when the light bulb went off - there are hundreds of clones of porn stars - why not make that available to anyone?”

If it wasn’t for the fact that you have to let the mold sit for 24 hours after completion before you can take it out, I’d probably have raised it over my head like the Stanley Cup once it was finished. Due to the nature of the compounds and the speed at which they begin to set, you only have a small amount of time to make the mold after you’ve mixed them together. It certainly helps to have a partner here, because doing it yourself would be tricky. The company also makes a product called the Love Shot that could be helpful here, which is basically an energy drink mixed with a libido potion. I would have tried this combination, but I didn’t have any left because our own Mr. Smash LeFunk decided to follow up a night of drinking with six of these. In a row. As far as I know, he’s still alive.

“People get hooked on the Clone-A-Willy,” said Becky.  “And the Clone-A-Pussy. It's just too fun.  And even more often, someone will try it then buy more to gift it to share the experience.  I was just on the Derek and Romaine SIRIUS radio show last week and Romaine commented on how fun it was to clone her partner's pussy.  The experience of doing something fun together, showering together afterwards - we really have great 'couple' products. Whether it's a casual encounter or it's a 30 year marriage, couples bond with our products.”

It involves a lot of solid elements of a relationship, actually. Teamwork, communication, vulnerability, encouragement, and a sense of building something that lasts are all present here. I’m not sure Dr. Drew has ever recommended cloning anything to a couple, but perhaps a chocolate pussy would change his mind.

For something that seems on the fringe (maybe it’s the closeness to home, because these things are scary lifelike), it really isn’t. It was featured in the Oprah magazine. And if Oprah has signed off on it, then it’s hard to say it hasn’t fully penetrated the mainstream. Uh, so to speak.

I may not be able to explain it, but it’s surely exciting. I’m also anxious to try out the candle and the soap products, because I’m not sure if there’s anything more empowering than watching a girl shower with a replica of your anatomy as a bar of soap. And should she decide to do so, she can light up the room with a flickering, dimly-lit model of Little Maximus in the corner. Well, as we don’t sell mine in the store, she’ll have to make do with yours, but you get the idea.

It also seems that the company shares a lot with our own. “The best thing about Empire Labs,” said Becky, “is that we're a small crew of very intelligent and creative people.  We all submit ideas and talk about what people might want. We have the best, tight-knit crew and really care about what we do.”

We definitely hold that philosophy here at Sinning in LA. And while you’re asleep, we’re busy in our kitchens, our labs, our city... exploring and discovering. We’re poking and prodding, scratching at the surface, and looking in the darkened corners.

Adventures first, explanations later.