Sinning in LA

 
It was in a shop full of crystals and gems in Sedona, Arizona that I was introduced to Urban Tantra. In the corner of this mystical shop where your aura could be read, your chakras could be cleared, and your every desire could be attained by choosing the right color of gemstone, it was actually this book which spoke to me the most. I’m not sure at the moment if it was the title, the tattooed naked girl on the cover, or the hidden world of Tantra that waited just beneath the pages, but something got me. And now, many months later, I’m happy to share the journey with you.

I sat down with Barbara Carrellas, who is an author, sex educator, university lecturer, workshop facilitator, sex/life coach, motivational speaker and theater artist (and I hear she makes an incredible cake too) to find out more.

Just to clear away any misconceptions, “there definitely is fucking in Tantra,” she told me. “But the fact is, sex is a lot more than fucking. Sexual energy exists well beyond your genitals. Tantric sex is a full-body/full-spirit experience. People who practice Tantra become less genitally focused-and with reason. When your entire body is pulsing and vibrating with pleasure you're more likely to talk about the atoms in your body dancing to the rhythm of the universe than you are to describe the experience as a great fuck.”

Sedona is a place where the universe seems to converge, some sort of energy center which pulls things together. Of course, “All energy flows according to the whims of the Great Magnet,” if you believe The Good Doctor. Talking to Barbara, it’s easy to bring my head back to the desert and how this book came to end up in my hands.

“This must take a long time to learn,” I said.

“It depends how deeply into it you wish to go,” she said. “It is certainly true that your Tantric practice will deepen the more you do it. Nevertheless, most people will feel something pleasurable and new right away. My advice? Drop your expectations. If you think that Tantra will immediately make you a sex god/dess or will instantly repair a neglected relationship, you're setting yourself up for disappointment. Similarly, if you are thinking, ‘This works for other people but it won't work for me,’ you're defeating yourself before you begin.”

The draw of the book, for me anyway, is that it doesn’t get lost in the New Age. There are those out there who will lead you down some strange paths, promising impossible sexual experiences if you’ll just take one more seminar with them. This book provides methods and practices which will certainly leave you wanting to try out more, but without getting lost in some pseudo-science.

For instance, “The Resilient Edge of Resistance is the ideal way to touch and be touched,” Barbara said. “It's that narrow realm of touch that lies between too much pressure and too little. When you touch the body, you want to touch deeply enough that the body pushes back just a little. If a muscle becomes rigid under your touch, you've gone too far. If the muscle feels flaccid, you haven't gone far enough. The touch that is just right feels safe and supportive and present. It's neither too hard nor too soft. It lulls you into a place of deep comfort and surrender. You're awake and aware but completely peaceful and relaxed all at the same time. You want it to go on forever. With practice and mindfulness, you can learn to fuck at the Resilient Edge of Resistance. When you do, it's like entering a parallel universe of pure pleasure.”

She also highlights a specific point, which is “a reminder to slow down.” She said that “It is better to make three delicious strokes precisely at the Resilient Edge of Resistance than thirty strokes that are sloppy and unconscious.”

Besides slowing down, breath is one of the most important Tantric elements. “It is so powerful,” she said. “It is the single most effective way to move sexual energy through your body. It can produce so much extraordinary pleasure it will amaze you. Once you become familiar with moving erotic energy around on your breath, you'll find all your erotic encounters to be much more fulfilling. Your orgasms will be longer and deeper. Eventually you'll find yourself using breath techniques in non-erotic situations to bring erotic energy to more and more areas of your life.”

You can certainly incorporate these techniques in your life, inside and out of the bedroom. There are so many “different breath techniques to produce different states of consciousness, as people of have studied pranayama yoga can attest,” Barbara said.  “But you don't need to know any complicated or strict techniques. Just breathe deeper, fuller and faster than you usually do. And keep breathing. Most of us hold our breath when we are approaching orgasm or are trying to orgasm. Instead of holding your breath, make an extra effort to keep breathing more deeply and/or faster. Practice while you're masturbating. Make a pact with your partner that you'll keep reminding each other to breathe.”

In fact, she even talked about how to practice Tantra by yourself. “Tantra for one is not simply what you do when you can't get a date with someone else,” said Barbara. “Solo Tantra is the lifelong process of falling in love and staying in love with yourself, not just sexually but also in respect, devotion, and compassion. One of the ways I suggest people cultivate this kind of self love is to take themselves out on a date-a real date. But exactly how you do solo Tantra is up to you. The essence of the practice is to open up the energy channels in your body so that erotic/lifeforce energy can flow through you. When that energy is flowing freely you feel like you're at one with life, nature, the cosmos. Breath, movement, masturbation, singing, dancing are just a few of the ways you get this energy flowing. One of the most fun ways is to see how much energy you can generate in your body while masturbating before you orgasm.”

Once you add in a partner, there are so many ways to do so. There is no “one best” Tantric experience. “I do have one hugely important tip for couples: When you're receiving, go totally into receiving. Receive it all. When giving go totally into giving. Give everything. You cannot focus on receiving if you are trying to give. Nor can you go totally into giving to your partner if you are trying to receive at the same time. In the totality of your receiving you may give your partner a lot of pleasure. In the process of giving you may get a lot of pleasure. But sex is a lot more satisfying when your intention-either to give or to receive-is clear.”

In fact, she even goes on to say that sex in groups is vastly underrated. So you can even add in more than one partner. “Sex in groups is underexplored. The consensus in polite society has always been that sex is a private affair; only exhibitionists and sex workers are brazen enough to be sexual in public. In fact, being sexual in groups raises an enormous amount of sexual energy in which you can share, even if you are only being physically sexual with your own partner. People who have learned Tantra in workshops know this very well. So do people who practice BDSM. Some of my most powerful ecstatic experiences have been amongst (but not necessarily with) large groups of people. I think many relationships would benefit from sex as a more social event. You can start small. Think of an activity you and your partner would like to simply watch. Then find a club that hosts that kind of activity and just go observe-from a respectful distance, of course. When you get home talk about what that experience was like for each of you and decide if you'd like more. I give several stories about more-than-two sex in Urban Tantra.”

Of course, her book is a fantastic introduction, but there are other ways to introduce Tantra to a partner as well. “Personally, I'm fond of workshops,” she said. “Particularly those that contain a mix of theory and practice. Go for an evening or day. Think of it as a date! If you like the Tantric experience you can always study further. After just a one-day workshop you'll already  have new skills and a new awareness of power and possibilities of your sexual energy and your partner's. Keep an eye on the class schedule at the Pleasure Chest. I'll be teaching there sometime in the next few months.”

Her workshops range from “evening discussions to week-long intensives. In my Totalities of Possibilities of Orgasm workshops people learn to have orgasms just from breathing. I also have erotic massage workshops where we combine conscious breathwork with conscious erotic touch to reach prolonged ecstatic states. I have other workshops which combine the heart-filled, spiritually energizing techniques of Tantra with the intense stimulation and heightened awareness of BDSM. There's really something for everyone.”

Orgasms from breathing could certainly be an interesting addition to your life, if not entirely practical. In fact, as we’re in the middle of cold and flu season, your breathing may be a bit impaired. As it turns out, you can use Tantra to relieve a cold.

“Sex can open up your sinus passages and make the symptoms of a cold much less severe,” said Barbara. “It can also bring increased blood flow and tension release to a cramped back. But sex magic can also be used like prayer. You could, for example, dedicate your orgasms to promote healing and prosperity in Haiti.”

She even talks about something called an emotiongasm. “I am a sexual expansionist-I think orgasms are more than genital experiences. For example, think about those unstoppable laugh attacks that take you over in waves of rolling silliness. They usually start with one funny line or sight gag and roll on and on until everything and anything is funny and you are laughing so hard that your diaphragm is spasming and you are gasping for breath. It feels like you have lost all control of your laughter-the laugh is laughing you. How did you feel after one of these giggle-gasms? It's sort of like the afterglow of a good orgasm, right? Emotiongasms-gigglegasms, angergasms, crygasms-can happen with or without genital sex. It may be hard to believe that a good cry or laugh can be an orgasm. But it is important that we accept these ecstatic states as a kind of orgasm. When we limit the possibilities of our orgasms, we limit our energy, which can limit all our possibilities.”

Sometimes life turns in strange directions. I never would have thought that from the corner of a small bookstore on the one lone highway of a faraway desert town could come such energy, possibility, and intrigue.

Hopefully now you can find the same.

Surf: http://www.barbaracarrellas.com
Follow: http://twitter.com/urbantantrika